It’s not wrong to feel shame, but it’s not right either. Some people feel dirty or guilty after having sex. These people feel negative about giving or receiving pleasure. Remember, you’re not a bad person for feeling uncomfortable in your own sexuality. The way we view sex is a product of a misogynistic culture. You can’t force yourself into some sexual pride that you don’t actually possess. You should also come to terms that this shame you feel is no doing of your own.
Our culture is not sex-positive. This makes it hard to feel good about sex. Our culture forces the idea that sex is wrong down our throats and that we should feel guilty if we engage in it. Religious upbringing, traditional values and negative body image contribute to this sexual guilt we face.
Explore your beliefs. Why do you believe what you believe? If you cannot answer that, it’s time to analyze why exactly you hold those beliefs in the first place. We absorb experiences from childhood, the media and other societal conditions from the moment we leave the womb, which results in a lot of contradictory beliefs. Consider making a change and work towards establishing beliefs you can get behind.
Time is required to undo negative thoughts. You won’t become sex-positive over night. Focus on bettering your body image, learning about your body and figuring out what makes you feel good, and the sex-positivity will come naturally in time.
Voice honest opinions. People feel the pressure to conform to certain societal standards of sex. You are allowed to like something your friends do not. Your friends are allowed to hate something that you enjoy in the bedroom. Open the floor for honest discussions and do not be afraid to voice your opinion.
Surround yourself with a supportive network of friends. If you have friends that are not sex-positive (or not working towards becoming sex-positive), ditch them. You deserve to feel good about yourself, your body and your actions. You do not need the people in your life shaming you.
Let yourself have fun. Whether you’re looking for love or lusting after a hottie, have fun! Enjoy yourself! Approach sex with enthusiasm and it’ll be better for everybody — especially you!
Remember that everyone is on his or her own journey of sexual self-discovery. Everyone’s journey is different. There’s no need to compare yours to anyone else’s. Everyone’s sexuality is different and that is a beautiful thing.
Only YOU control your body. You don’t owe anyone anything. You don’t “owe” a guy because he took you out. You don’t “owe” your judgmental friends. You are worthy of whatever physical and emotional enjoyment you allow yourself to experience.
Explore. Time for some sexual liberation! It’s going to be tough since we are conditioned to stray away from sex, but if you take it easy and move slowly towards your newly discovered lifestyle goals, you’ll feel so… free. We're not saying to go out and sleep with everyone you meet (unless you want to do that, of course) but the point of exploration is to free yourself from the old conditioning.
Get professional help. If your guilt is severe, consider consulting a sex therapist to alleviate any sex guilt you are facing.
Suppressing your sexuality. Some people feel guilty about sex because they're surprising their sexuality, unbeknownst to themselves even. Sexuality acts on a scale — formally known as the Kinsey Scale, actually — and no one is 100 percent heterosexual or 100 percent homosexual, say psychologists. Explore yourself and don't be ashamed of your preferences.
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