Here’s What We Should Really Tell Virgins About Sex

Do you remember your first time, losing your virginity? The fear of how much it would hurt. The fear of all of that blood gushing out of the vagina at warp speed. The fear of not being good at sex. The fear of orgasming too quickly. Ahhh, losing your virginity is interesting. But there are a lot of things someone should know before embarking on their first trip into the bone zone. Here's what we should really tell virgins about sex.Does anyone have any terrible first time stories? Those are our favorites! Let us know in the comments. 

Losing your virginity. Relationship and sex expert Kristen Mark, Ph.D., rightfully pointed out to Buzzfeed Life that “there is no universal consensus on what behaviors constitute having sex.” Sex to someone straight is also something different to a member of the LGBTQ community. So what counts as your “first” really depends on what you count.

Condoms. You can get pregnant your first time, and you can also get an STD or STI your first time. Throw a bag on that weiner and you won’t have anything to worry about.

Blood. You know that scene from The Shining where the blood comes rushing out of the elevator doors? Yeah, that’s how a lot of people imagine their first time will be. But some women don’t even bleed. It all depends on the amount of hymenal tissue a person has, which varies from woman to woman.

Orgasm. This goes for all sex, but orgasms shouldn’t be the main focus when having sex for the first time. If you focus too heavily on the end product, the journey won’t be any fun. Take the time to learn about yourself through sex and your partner, then orgasm will come on its own.

Pain. Your first time may not hurt at all, or it might. Expecting a certain level of pain and pressure is probably a good idea, but building it up will cause unnecessary anxiety.

Slippery. Add lube to the equation. Trust us! Buzzfeed suggests if you feel any sort of pain while having sex, lube could help alleviate that pain. But oil-based lubes and latex condoms is an absolute no-no; it makes them less effective.

Bye bye, sex. Hold up there, eager beaver. Well.. you might not be able to. People with penises are probably going to orgasm quite quickly. We get it, having sex is dope and exciting, especially the first time. You’re experiencing a lot of sensations for the first time, your partner will understand.

Masturbation. Knowing what you like and being able to communicate that to your partner will make your first time much more enjoyable. So masturbate! How often do you meet people who are telling you to masturbate, here’s your free pass.

Pregnancy. Do not let anyone tell you that you won’t be able to get pregnant the first time you have sex to dissuade you from wanting to use a condom. Because realistically, you can absolutely, positively get pregnant the first time.

Foreplay. People always emphasize the importance of foreplay when having sex in order to reach orgasm. The same goes for your first time having sex. If you’re properly warmed up, it will reduce the chances that you’ll experience pain. This goes for vaginal and anal sex.

Adult films. This is something everyone learns in time, but adult film sex is not real sex. Sure, that trick where you put your leg behind your head is possible, but you might want to try out good old missionary on the first try. Don’t get too ahead of yourself.

Familiarity. Odds are higher that you’ll orgasm your first time if you know the person you’re having sex with, as opposed to a stranger. This goes for sex in general as well.

Orgasm, part 2. Really, we already said this, orgasm shouldn’t be the first goal. But if you have a vagina, odds are you aren’t going to orgasm your first time. And that’s completely fine. Foreplay will increase your odds, though!

Use it or lose it. Your virginity doesn’t have any sort of expiration date. Whether you lose it at 16 or 26, it really doesn’t matter. Lose it when you chose to, don’t let anyone pressure you!

Special. There is a huge stigma attached to your first time. Though the odds of your first time resulting in orgasm are higher if you have sex with you know, there’s no rule saying you have to lose your virginity to someone you love. So don’t stress.