The Most Ridiculous Sex Toys That Are Being Sold Right Now

Sex toys are, by nature, a little bit weird - even if it’s something as simple as having a vibrator or a bullet. That being said, human creativity is something that knows no bounds, including when it comes to stuff you can use to have an orgasm. Some products, therefore, are definitely a little more different than others. Some are just absolutely, totally, hilariously weird - and these are the ones that make news headlines. Check out the strangest ones that have been making rounds on the internet during recent years…What’s the most ridiculous sex toy you’ve ever bought? Tell us in the story’s comments below. 

The Boobvulva. Companies don’t really understand body part fetishism. So, in order to allow people to have sex with their favorite body parts, they’re attaching vaginas to them. In the past, they had toys with feet that had a vagina on the sole. Now, you can get a pair of breasts with a vulva right in between - and it’s called the “Boobvulva.” Additionally, if one hole isn’t good enough, you can also get an amorphous blob which is basically covered in them…because vagina, right?!

The Inflatable My Little Pony Rainbow Dash Doll. First off, we all know clopping is a thing, but this toy goes beyond normal clopping weird. With this toy, Rainbow Dash is turned into a BDSM-clad, bodybuilder-looking disaster made of rubber. But hey, if you’re into that, you can apparently get it off of Ali Baba.

Whiskey Lube. Typically, people aren’t really personal lubricant connoisseurs. But, if you have a hipster boyfriend or just really adore whiskey, then there’s this stuff. Guaranteeing “gold medal taste,” this alcohol-tasting lube will have her gagging because it probably tastes like death warmed over when put on private parts.

Teddy Love. You always thought that teddy bear from your childhood could only provide snuggles and cuddles, right? Well, thanks to this one crowdfunded project, that’s no longer the issue. Teddy can also give you oral sex. We’re going to avoid talking about how the bear probably will need teddy bear therapy, or why you may end up wanting to burn it after 3 uses. Actually, we’re going to avoid talking about teddy bears for now on…

The Rosebud. Ever wanted to have sex with someone who had a prolapsed anus? Of course you do! The Rosebud is a prosthetic flesh sex doll that looks like the torso of a girl who prolapsed. So, now you too can enjoy what is called “rosebudding” in the extreme adult film community. Go you?

The SILF. This sex toy is more or less a classic gag gift that has been making rounds in frat houses for decades. What it is, is a blow-up sheep that has a hole inside if for sex. Most of the time, we’re going to assume that it’s a party gag gift that is just made for fratboys. We’re assuming this…but not just because we found it in an ex’s closet in his dorm. Nope.

The Hand-Job C*cksheath By Oxballs. You know what no one has ever asked? No one has ever asked, “Why couldn’t my penis be hand shaped instead?” But, just in case you’ve ever wanted to fist a person using your d*ck, Oxballs has come up with a solution to this. (We don’t even know what else to say about this.)

Cross Dildos. Some people are really into sacrilege sex. And that’s why some people are doubling crosses as sex toys. Believe it or not, the cross we’re showing you here has been sold as a sacrilege sex toy. No word yet on how many “Hail Marys” you’ll have to do, or if lying in bed screaming the good lord’s name is considered worship…

The Gerbil. You remember hearing about people who shove small animals back there? Most people assume that it’s an urban legend, but apparently one guy decided it’s time to make a gerbil anal toy. No gerbils were harmed in the making of this sex toy article - however we can’t say the same things about our souls.

The C*ckpipe. Most people would tell you that smoking weed WHILE having sex could run the risk of causing burns, or at the very least, getting too lazy to finish. And, if you were to tell a guy that you want to smoke a bowl in precariously close proximity to his penis, he may look at you funny. But, assuming you have absolutely no common sense and are using more than just marijuana, you probably won’t care. For people like you, there’s the C*ckpipe.

The Footlong Stroker. Have you, like so many others, been sexually attracted to hot dogs? If so, then we have the perfect sex toy for you! Because nothing quite says you’re gonna have an “out of the park” orgasm like sex with a hot dog.

The SnorkelO. If you keep literally drowning in vagina juice, this unique oral sex snorkel will keep you from dying to death! Though we’re, like, 90% sure this is just a joke sex toy, the fact that it exists is absolutely insane. Besides, would you really ever want to let a guy with a snorkel go down on you?

The Buttzooka. Do you think going to NRA fundraisers is sexy? Well, there’s a new way to give the TSA a heart attack while also getting the joy of shoving something up your rear end. It’s called the Buttzooka, and we hear it’s a total blast. (Note: We’re not responsible for explaining to police or TSA agents who cavity search you why you shoved a rubber gun up there. That’s all on you.)

The Geisha Doggie Style Stroker. So, apparently, penis strokers are things. The problem with this is that it’s small, it looks more like a sumo wrestler than a geisha girl, and it also has a striking resemblance to a weird bar of soap. So, if you ever wanted to bang a sumo wrestler soap bar, this is all yours! Oh, and it’s also racist..incredibly racist.

The Ghost Sex Kit. Okay, the items in this pack may just seem like a butt plug, a dildo, a book, and a tee shirt, but there’s something else that makes this so ridiculous. This sex kit was designed and distributed by Ghost, a metal band. So, you know, just in case your sex sessions weren’t metal enough, you can do this now…Oh, and the best part? The dildo is shaped like the frontman’s head, so there’s that bonus too.