Sexy Talk 101: What Is the Best Way to Get Her Talking About Sex?
Let’s talk about sex, baby!
The truth is, most men don’t know how to communicate about sex… and most women need some “cajoling” before they open up about it too.
And because everybody is different when it comes to sexual preferences, this can lead to some mismatches between the sheets.
That’s why communication is so important.
It might not sound sexy–but without enough communication, sex can get boring…
Stale…
And downright bad.
So that’s what I want to address today.
Hey! I’m Lawrence Lanoff.
As a Tantric sex expert, it’s safe to say I know a lot about sex & improving your sex life.
I get questions about how to talk about sex all the time…
And today I’m answering this one:
“How do I talk about sex with women?”
Catch The Full Video Transcript Below…
The secret to proper communication with women really comes down to empathy–your capacity to just imagine what it feels like to be another person.
It’s a very basic idea, but it’s also extremely powerful.
Because we tend to communicate ideas and words, and not very much about feelings, this kind of empathy can have a powerful impact on how women communicate with you.
So if I say something like, “Hey, I really like you”… what are my sub-communications saying?
This kind of sub-communication, or emotional communication, is really how we can learn to communicate deeper with a partner.
It’s no secret that people can say things with words but mean something else–so you have to realize what your emotional communication is telling her.
Real, true, deep communication is saying something, and then feeling what it means to be the other person you’re talking to.
You have to adjust what you say accordingly, so that her feelings and your words are more in line with what you are trying to communicate.
How Do You Bring Up Sensitive Topics?
Let’s say you have something difficult you need to say.
Maybe you want to talk about opening up your relationship…
Or you just want to talk about some aspect of sex that you would like more or less of…
Maybe she even has the same feelings.
So to talk to her about this, you need to listen empathetically to both understand her and be understood by her.
But let’s say that there is some sort of miscommunication.
She says something like, “Hey, I feel very not seen when you [something]…”
Instead of being defensive–which is not communication–ask yourself:
“What is the impact of that?…”
And,
“How does that feel for me and for her?…”
Then you can reply like this:
“OK, well it sounds like what you’re saying is…”
Feed what she said to you right back to her. If you don’t understand something, make her clarify it before you respond.
Something like, “Do I understand this?” would work well.
It will feel good to understand her–trust me. Because at the end of the day, all humans want is to be understood.
My 3-Step Sexual Communication System to Make Her Open Up To You…
Let’s break communication down into 3 different parts–I call this my 3-step Sexual Communication System:
1) Speaking ideas and then making sure that you are understood…
2) Making sure that the woman you’re talking to is also understood…
3) Sharing a complex idea and being able to walk away from your conversation mutually satisfied.
So how do you make sure all 3 of those steps are covered?
Basically, you communicate an idea and then you stop and you listen.
Listen to yourself and to the woman you’re with–these two actions are super powerful.
In fact, I had one of these discussions last night, and it was just like I said:
“Hey, I really need to say this to you.”
I took a deep breath and then I said it.
Then, I stopped and I said,
“How do you feel about that?”
Then, she spoke, and I listened to that.
Then, I shared some more.
It left us both feeling like we were understood and smart and connected, and that really is the point of communication.
It’s not so much content and words, but the way in which you communicate–and that is the ability to listen empathetically.
And like anything in life, this kind of communication takes practice.
But when done consistently, it can deepen your sexual connection… and lead to better sex in the long run as well.
Don’t believe me?
Just check this out:
Can A Little Empathy Lead to Mindblowing Sex?
I think most men can agree, it’s almost like a badge of honor when you make a woman come.
Personally, I get an even bigger sense of accomplishment if I give her multiple orgasms, or a powerful squirting orgasm.
I’ve discovered (and many community members agree) that when it comes down to it, there are really only two factors you need to keep in mind if you want to give a woman a life-changing orgasm:
1) Empathy
I’m sure you’ve heard this before, but for a woman, an orgasm is much more mental than it is physical.
When you listen to her needs and desires… demonstrate empathy… and try to understand her… she will feel more comfortable around you.
And the more comfortable she feels around you, the more she’s willing to “let go” when she’s in bed with you.
This means that she’ll be freed from the mental shackles that are stopping her from having powerful orgasms with you.
To sum it up, get to know & understand a woman before sleeping with her for better results.
2) Stimulating The Right Spots
Just being empathetic and getting her to feel comfortable around you isn’t enough.
Sure, it will make sex a lot more enjoyable for her… but it’s not going to give her the kinds of orgasms that’ll make her forget her name.
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