Whether you need to go from zero to a hundred or just need a teensy bit of help getting horned up, we gotchu. Here are some horniness hacks to get your ~juices flowing~. (Sorry!)
1. Watch *that* ferris-wheel scene from Insecure.
Look, don’t act like you don’t already know. It’s the middle of season 2, and Issa (Issa Rae) is stuck in a ferris wheel carousel at Coachella with Nathan (Kendrick Sampson) when the two realize they’re totally alone, and, well, let’s just say that things ensue.
2. Get undressed in front of a mirror.
What’s sexier than you? Literally nothing!! Remind yourself how ~hot~ you are and turn yourself on, in the most au naturel way imaginable.
3. Or literally just put on some lingerie.
According to a very official(ish) Cosmo poll, most of you like lounging around in your lingerie when you’re alone anyway. Put on your laciest, strappiest, sexiest piece and the rest will come (literally).
4. Browse for new sex toys.
Sometimes just looking at new ways to get yourself off can be a horn-inducing activity on its own. Pro tip: The reviews are where all the really hot and juicy stuff is.
5. Watch the middle 40 minutes of Magic Mike.
Because, um, that’s when most of the naked grinding happens. You’re welcome.
6. Watch Beyoncé’s “Partition” video.
St0p playing innocent and just do it. You know it works.
7. Listen to audio-only porn.
People submit audio files of themselves masturbating and having sex, and you can do with that what you will. If nothing else, it’s totally bizarre and great. Also, you can listen to it on your headphones at work. No judgment.
8. Or listen to this masturbation playlist.
Just let the music wash over you like liquid horniness.
9. Browse a NSFW subreddit.
Reddit has a bad reputation for being a cesspool of misogynistic garbage, but there are also a lot of nice, sex-friendly, and very sexy subreddits that are perfect fodder for getting horny in a matter of minutes.
10. Watch some sexy, foreplay-focused feminist porn.
Erika Lust is a total badass who makes feminist porn, aka porn in which women are the focus, and they actually look like they’re getting turned on and getting off. Some of her videos are subscription-based, but some are free as well. Highly recommend.
11. Take a hot shower and then walk around naked like you’re criminally hot...because you are.
You’re already naked and you look super dope, plus there’s water. Use really great-smelling bath stuffs, put lotion on every single part of your body afterward, and just be with yourself. No texting, no distractions. Just sit with yourself in your awesome body and be present in it.
12. Think about your hottest past sexual experience.
Everyone has one sexual experience that if they even think of it accidentally, they have to leave the room to take care of some things. Think of that moment on purpose.
13. Take a crash course on pleasure.
All the content on OMGyes, a scientist-backed site that delivers deep dives on female pleasure, is centered around teaching everyone more about orgasms. But if you thought science couldn’t be sexy, you thought wrong. Peruse OMGyes’s demonstration videos to learn more about your own bod and get horny while you’re at it.
14. Read an erotic story.
Even if you feel like that’s not something you’d be into, sites like Kara’s Porn for Women, Nifty, and Alt.Sex.Stories let you use popular search terms to try and figure out what you might like. One of the search terms is “hunks,” so if you’re into hunks, you’re welcome.
15. Dance in your room alone.
Doesn’t even have to be anything particularly sexy. I’m not saying you should put on The Muppet Movie soundtrack, but it can be whatever you feel like at the moment. The more you move your body and feel really good about it, the easier it’ll be to want to move your body in, uh, other ways.
16. Watch videos of your favorite celebrity doing interviews.
I know most people would say to look up photos of him shirtless, but I’m trying to get your mind working with your body here, and actually watching the way he moves and speaks can make it easier to imagine him doing other things.
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