Advice: The Part-time Lover

Q: My husband and I are very happy together, but he will only have sex with me every three days. When I ask him what the problem is, he tells me that it takes three days for a man's sex glands to recover, and that having sex more frequently may cause his organs permanent damage. I've never heard this before; I wonder, is he telling me the truth, or could he be hiding some other issue?

A: Here are some basic facts. The time it takes after orgasm for bodies to return to normal levels of functioning is known as the refractory period. Heart rate, breathing and blood pressure return to normal levels. It may take a few minutes for sexual responsiveness and the capacity for erection to be restored. It certainly takes time to restore the capacity for orgasm.

As men age, the refractory period generally gets longer. It can vary from a few minutes to a day or more. There is no invariable rule, as the refractory period normally varies with any one man and varies from man to man. In general, with age it takes a longer period of stimulation to produce erection and ejaculation. Direct stimulation of the penis is helpful and often necessary,

Also as men age, the amount of semen ejaculated may be reduced. Semen consists of sperm and secretions produced by the prostate and other glands.
At the very least, your husband is operating on a misconception. It would be helpful to provide him with information. There are many authoritative websites that provide information.

But he may be operating on a deliberate lie. He may be saving his sexual energy for another partner.
You can tell a lot from the sex you now have. Is your husband open to an extended period of lovemaking that satisfies you both, both emotionally and physically, and that may involve multiple orgasms, or is sex a very perfunctory event?

If you have great sex and your husband is warm and responsive for as long as you both want or need, then it sounds as if you indeed have a lot to be happy about.
But if your every-three-days sex is an act engaged in not so much to exchange affection but to release a single orgasm, then you have cause for concern.

For starters, why don’t you try approaching your husband more often in bed?