How to Have Multiple Orgasms

You've heard whispers and rumors, but actually having multiple orgasms? Well, that sounds as achievable as making it to a 6 a.m. cycling class on a Saturday.

Good news: Sexperts are here to reassure you that multiple orgasms really do exist and—even better—that everyone can have them.

How many orgasms can you actually have?

The limit does not exist. "I had a client who would regularly have 30 to 40 orgasms in a session with her partner. She may be the extreme but having one to five is totally normal and doable for any woman," says Kim Anami, holistic sex and relationship expert.

Obviously, you don't need convincing as to how great an orgasm is, but there are actually benefits beyond just pleasure.  "Touch, pleasure, and orgasms all have a host of health benefits, including boosting your immune system, regulating sleep cycles, alleviating anxiety and depression, and creating emotional well-being," says Chris Rose, sex educator at PleasureMechanics.com. Plus, the more pleasure you feel, the more adept your body becomes at releasing the pleasure hormones, so it becomes a positive feedback loop, she says. In addition to the chemical and hormonal benefits, orgasms can also lead to greater degrees of emotional release and openness.

And if one orgasm is healthy, imagine how much better off you'd be with two or more!

So, the question on all of our minds is: How can you have multiple orgasms?! "Many women don't allow themselves to get fully aroused, and arousal is what fuels multiple orgasms," explains Rose. This is a long road, and one you might not reach the end of on the first try, but Rose and Anami have a pretty thorough guide to help you get there. To achieve maximum arousal and multiple orgasms, follow these seven steps:

Photo: Serge Krouglikoff/Getty

Your Step-by-Step Guide to Having Multiple Orgasms

1. Check your emotions.

Building arousal and experiencing multiple orgasms in one go is definitely about physical technique (don't worry, that's coming up), but the first step is setting your thoughts and emotions straight. "Becoming a multiorgasmic woman is a mindset more than anything," says Rose. 

It's as easy as believing it's possible for you personally to climax more than once, says Anami. Next is learning to relax: "Deeper orgasms are all about a very intense state of release, so you have to be willing to dive into the unknown and let go," Anami adds. Once your attitude starts to shift, two or more orgasms may well become your new normal, says Rose. 

2. Slow them down.

This is important if you're with a male partner.  "Male stamina is crucial in women being able to reach higher states of pleasure and orgasm more," says Anami. In fact, the average man takes anywhere from three to seven minutes to climax, while the average woman requires anywhere from 10 to 20—a discrepancy researchers call "the arousal gap." How do you close that time frame? Female-focused foreplay is one of the best techniques because it allows you to start down the excitement path earlier than him, which leads to…

3. Let them lavish you with pleasure.

Your partner wants nothing more than to see you orgasm once or twice (don't worry, if it's a guy, he'll catch up!). "Most lovers are generous and willing and take pleasure in seeing their partner enjoy more than one orgasm—but many women have a hard time receiving so much attention and letting the erotic focus be on their own pleasure," says Rose. If you want to experience the thrills (re: multiple orgasms), give yourself permission to be the star of the sexual experience. If you have any worries like "I'm taking too long" or "They must be getting bored down there," then no amount of great stimulation will help. 

4. Help them with the handy work.

"For most women, your partner's hands and mouth are the best tools for helping you peak, so make sure they know how to use them," says Rose. Show them exactly how you like to be touched—and then let them explore.  "A lot of women love the combination of oral sex with a few fingers inside. This works for a good reason, as this combination allows stimulation of both the external clitoris and its internal roots," Rose suggests. Move their hands to where you touch yourself, and give them audible feedback on what is working for you—right up until you reach your first peak.

5. Take a breath.

"After your first orgasm, take a moment or two to savor the afterglow before you start building arousal back up again. Your next orgasm might be mere minutes away," says Rose. Focus on your breathing to maximize the effects of your multiple-orgasm experience: "When people get sexually excited, they tend to hold the breath or breathe really shallow," says Anami. "The more you can practice deep, steady breathing, you'll relax, stay in the present moment, and also increase the power and pleasure of your orgasm."

6. Turn to orgasmic intercourse.

If you're moving on to penetrative sex, keep up the clitoral stimulation, Rose suggests. The majority of women worldwide don't orgasm from penetrative sex alone, but instead can only climax from clitoral stimulation, reports a study in the journal Clinical Anatomy. "For most women, this is how they can get to full (and multiple) orgasms during intercourse," she adds. (Start here: Make use of these best sex positions for clitoral stimulation and how to get more pleasure out of common sex positions.)

7. Keep the connection.

The deeper vaginal orgasms are all about a very deep state of release and letting go. Feeling like you're on the same wavelength as your partner can help you achieve an intensely satisfying multiple-orgasm session. "Maintaining eye contact is intense, but this forces you to be more vulnerable and open, which is key to these deeper orgasmic experiences," says Anami.

And once you reach your second orgasm, the doors are wide open: "If you can have two, you can have three, four, or more! There is no limit on how many orgasms a woman can experience," says Rose. If it doesn't happen the first time, don't worry—practicing having multiple orgasms is something you and your partner can both enjoy. 

Pilates Workouts Lead to Better Orgasms

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When it comes to having stamina in the sack, fitness fanatics definitely come out on top. But the sexual perks of working out are not limited to hardcore CrossFitters or marathoners, the subtle art of Pilates can definitely help you between the sheets.

Most people associate the Pilates Method with flat abs. But to get that toned torso, you have to work deep. I mean really deep. I am talking pelvic floor deep. Yep. That muscle group worked during Kegel exercises is also worked in Pilates. There's a kind of neurological synergy between the pelvic floor and the transversus abdominis, the deepest layer of ab muscle. So when you pull your navel to your spine, like you do multiple times in every Pilates class, you should also be engaging your pelvic floor too. It's like a Kegel but with an extra lift.

Regularly working the pelvic floor, often referred to as the "vagina muscles"-although men have pelvic floor muscles too-can lead to stronger, more satisfying orgasms; the pelvic floor muscles go off with your uterus and cervix during the contraction and release of orgasm. Squeezing these muscles during sex creates heightened sensations for your partner too. True story: many of my former clients' husbands thanked me for teaching their wives this technique.

Beyond strengthening the deep muscles of the pelvic floor, Pilates helps mobilize the entire pelvis by unlocking tight hips and loosening lower spines. Releasing this area means the pelvis can rock up an down and move in all sorts of circles; many Pilates exercises involve elements of slo-mo twerking and little gyrations-good moves to learn. Gaining mobility in this region leads to more uninhibited motion. As we learned from our flirty floor workout, when you move sexy you feel sexy.

While stability is a core principal of Pilates, flexibility is too. Many Pilates exercises open up tight hips and legs, allowing them to move more freely and in greater ranges of motion. The freedom in your joints and muscles means you can experiment with all sorts of interesting positions in the bedroom. Just try this Pilates inner-thigh workout! It strengthens the legs while lengthening tight hamstrings and adductors.

Pilates will also make you stronger all over, which is always a boon for sexy time. And while getting stronger, because Pilates focuses on the mind-body connection, these workouts help you understand your body better. And more body awareness leads to things all Pilates instructors teach clients like better posture and good form when lifting, but it can also lead to a more satisfying sex life.

5 ways to maximise your sexual pleasure

When it comes to sexual pleasure, there are many misconceptions about how and why you should have it.

Many people believe that you need to achieve a particular outcome during intimacy, instead of being in the moment and having pleasure without the pressure of an orgasm.

Cheeba Africa, the company that is importing and stocking the Foria Intimacy range, together with Nurture Your Vagina, share tips on how to maximise your sexual pleasure:

Grant yourself permission for pleasure – “Pleasure is not limited to sex and pleasure should not make you feel guilty. It’s not a ‘guilty pleasure’; it’s pleasure and you shouldn’t feel ashamed for embracing it.

Women’s pleasure is not dependent on ‘sex’, nor is it in the hands of our sexual partner as opposed to our own.

These ideas result in a sense of guilt if we indulge in a little self-pleasure, whether that’s treating yourself to a spa day or masturbation. So my advice is to be gentle with yourself and grant yourself permission for pleasure.”

Explore the meaning of ‘sex’ – “What does ‘sex’ mean to you, better yet, what does ‘good sex’ mean to you? We need to acknowledge that sex is not just penis in vagina (PIV) intercourse.

Sex is inclusive of all that brings you pleasure. So when your partner says; ‘let’s have sex’ that might just be cunnilingus and that’s okay!”

Sexual self-care includes management of sexual concerns – “I beg you, please don’t push through pain! Sex should not be painful, unless that is your sexual preference, as in bondage.

If you have concerns or queries please chat to a sexual health practitioner who is passionate about sexual well-being and a willing advocate for your comprehensive care.

‘Have a glass of wine and relax’ or ‘it’s all in your head’ are NOT effective methods of management for dyspareunia (painful intercourse).

Tune in and listen to your body – “Our bodies have a way of communicating with us, making us aware of any areas that may need a little more attention.

Poor body image or other discomforts around sex may lead to dissociation when it comes to intimacy, making it difficult to be present and possibly impacting your ability to experience pleasure or reach orgasm.

Taking the time to connect to your body by exploring your anatomy, addressing body image or practicing breath work or other mindfulness techniques.”

Shift your focus from orgasm to pleasure - We tend to put a lot of pressure on ourselves to achieve a particular outcome during intimacy. This outcome may be subconsciously shaped by societal views, social media or porn.

The expectation to have a screaming, linen-clenching, back arching orgasm with PIV sex, in 5 minutes derives from a lack of exposure to empowering and realistic sex positive content.

When we don’t meet these expectations, we might fake an orgasm (reinforcing intimacy which does not serve you) or we put pressure on ourselves and may come to believe that there is something wrong with us.

This interplay of pressure and expectation might impact your ability to be present and experience pleasure.”

What Is Edging and Can It Give Me Better Orgasms

Ordinary, run-of-the-mill orgasms are great. But what if there was a way to give yourself the mother of all orgasms while also making his orgasm even better?

Yeah, we thought you'd be listening.

The good news is that such a thing exists. All you have to do is practice this little sex move called edging. Never heard of it? Let us fill you in.

What is edging?

If you've ever delayed gratification just long enough for your desire to grow so fierce you feel like you're going to burst, then you've already experienced the concept behind edging. Simply put, "edging is when you bring yourself or your partner close to orgasm, back off before the orgasm is reached, and then build back up the sexual energy to approach the orgasm again," says Uchenna Ossai, D.P.T., a pelvic health physical therapist and sex educator for LifeStyles and SKYN Condoms. “[It's] one of the many, oh-so dope ways of enhancing a person’s orgasm and sexy time experience."

It's also a lot like being on a rollercoaster ride. Think of the orgasm as the end of the ride: You slowly take the coaster car up toward the top of the hill, but then you come back down before you get there, Ossai says. Repeat the process a few more times until you've reached your climax — AKA finished your ride.

Why does edging feel so good?

Denying yourself a cookie until your work is complete feels like a well-earned reward once you have it. The pleasure you'll experience from edging can be just as psychological, but there's also a pretty basic physical reason for why it's so damn awesome.

“There is increased blood flow into the pelvic area when you stop orgasm and continue stimulation,” says Courtney Cleman, founder of the V. Club. “When we think of blood flow, we usually think of a male erection. But women have ‘erections' of their clitoral organ, [and] edging creates a stronger erection for both men and women.”

Can you try edging on yourself?

You wouldn't serve a meal to party guests without sampling it first, right? The best way to figure out what works for you is by trying out the edging technique during masturbation.

“Women can edge by varying sensations instead of falling into a rhythmic pattern of movement,” Cleman says. So if you typically masturbate with your fingers and prefer slow, rhythmic strokes along your clitoris, start off that way, then mix it up with faster strokes or circular motions around your clitoris. Love vibrators? Experiment with different speeds or invest in a sex toy that wouldn't ordinarily capture your attention or imagination.

To really embrace edging, leave yourself wanting more by masturbating for a few minutes, stopping, and attempting to distract yourself by taking on another task before going back to the deed, Cleman says. The more excitement you build, the more powerful your orgasm.

How can you try the edging technique on your partner?

Once you've tried edging on yourself, if you're ready to experiment with your partner then the first step is the most important one: communicate.

"You don’t want to confuse your partner and make them wonder why it is taking you extra time to reach orgasm," Cleman says. "Be open about your desire to edge. It’s a hot, sexual practice that a couple can enjoy together."

A few ways to get started: "You could playfully push your partner aside when you get very close to orgasm, or turn the attention onto them for a moment," Cleman suggests. If there's anything you're nervous about (like areas you do not want to be touched), Ossai says to establish those boundaries beforehand. Otherwise, take turns playing with different techniques to bring yourself or your partner to orgasm.

What are some edging techniques?

When it comes to specific edging techniques, the sky is the limit. What's best for you and your partner really depends on your manual, oral, and penetration preferences. But Ossai says the "green light, red light" approach is a good place to start.

“This is when you come close to orgasm and then you stop touching completely — red light — and allow the sexual energy to calm down a bit [before starting] again — green light,” Ossai says. You can also use the "green light, yellow light" approach. When you come close to orgasm, slowly back off by touching other parts of the body in a slow and controlled manner, Ossai says. "You are still holding the sexual energy, it’s just being diverted until you are ready to get back to orgasm town.”

One thing you shouldn't do? Rush yourself or your partner. Edging is all about relaxation and focusing on pleasure in the moment.

“Depending on the context of the day or your life, you may come to orgasm in two minutes or it [could take] 45 minutes,” Ossai says. “What really chases the pleasure away is preconceived notions of how sex should be. If you want to try edging with your partner, approach this like you would a sexy exploration game. The theme: ‘experience pleasure.’”

Is there really a vaginal orgasm?

It's been decades since the sexual revolution but many women remain anxious in bed because they're worried they're not having the right kind of orgasm, some leading sex therapists say.
The anxiety is based on the notion that women can experience distinct types of orgasms, including vaginal orgasms and clitoral orgasms.
It's long been a popular idea that a vaginal orgasm is desirable because it's supposed to be more intense and because it's more likely to occur during intercourse with a partner.
But the notion there is a distinct 'vaginal orgasm' that is different to any other kind of orgasm is incorrect, many say.
(A recent paper on the subject also dismissed this notion.)
Sexologist and author Dr Vivienne Cass says the bulk of research suggests there is only one 'orgasm response' in women.
"There's not a separate thing called a vaginal orgasm," says Cass, adjunct associate professor in Curtin University's department of public health sexology program.
"I would say there's not a vaginal orgasm, there's not a clitoral orgasm, there's physiologically just one orgasm response. But there are many different ways women can experience that – where they feel it, what they feel, what they feel about it. And there are women who can have an orgasm without being touched at all."
Rosemary Coates, also an associate professor in sexology at Curtin University and past president of the World Association for Sexual Health, agrees and says for the past 40 years she's taught that orgasms are triggered through the clitoris.
"However, there are physiological changes that take place in the vulva including the vagina and the uterus. Some women feel the rhythmic spasms in these areas during orgasm."
But if women want to call certain orgasms vaginal orgasms, some experts have no problem with it.
"I think we should stop having these distinctions because it's just academic verbal bandying really," says NSW president of the Society of Australian Sexologists and former GP Dr Margaret Redelman. "In the practical sense of helping women enjoy their sexuality, we create a problem. Women say 'I'm not having orgasms the right way' and I think that's very damaging."
Clitoris is more than meets the eye
The term vaginal orgasm has been used to describe the orgasm some women have when they are receiving stimulation only from penetration of the vagina.
Some women report that this orgasm feels different from the orgasm they have when they are stimulated more directly through the external part of their clitoris, the glans, which sits a small distance above the entrance to the vagina.
It used to be thought this so-called "magic button" – that contains around 6,000 to 8,000 nerve endings and is highly pleasurably when touched the right way – was the entire clitoris.
But since the late 1990s, it's been known that the clitoris is actually much larger; the glans is just the external tip but there is other tissue that extends deeper inside the body, and wraps around the vagina and the urethra, the tube through which urine passes from the bladder to the outside.
Both the internal and external parts of the clitoris are made of erectile tissue which swells with blood when a woman is aroused.
So being able to have an orgasm through penetration of the vagina alone does not mean there is no involvement of the clitoris.
Yes, yes, yes
Both Cass and Redelman believe the vagina itself is not a very sensitive organ and say it has relatively few nerve endings. But certain sex positions can enhance clitoral stimulation.
Also, Cass says "there are short ligaments that join the clitoral hood [the fold of skin surrounding the glans] to the vulva, so when the vulva's being incidentally moved during penetration, that is actually stimulating the glans of the clitoris."

She adds that some women find the pressure of intercourse, both on the vaginal walls and through the walls onto the internal parts of the clitoris and other tissues, perhaps including the cervix, is enough to bring them to orgasm.
"But when we talk about clitoral stimulation, usually people are talking about touching on the outside of the body and the truth is most women do need that."
Redelman agrees women vary greatly in their sensitivity to sexual stimuli: "Some women can be sitting on the bus on the way to work and flex their thighs and have an orgasm."
I'll have what she's having
Many now see the distinction between a 'vaginal' and a 'clitoral' orgasm as artificial and unhelpful.
Cass says research and surveys suggests only around 30 per cent of women can orgasm "just through penetration of some sort" but she believes this may be an overestimate because some of the studies were not high quality.
Says Coates: "The myth of a vaginal orgasm was based on [psychoanalyst Sigmund] Freud's rather misogynistic views on women's sexuality. Up until the 1960s, various 'experts' assumed that women who did not experience an orgasm during vaginal intercourse were immature.
"In fact, when the anatomy of the vulva is clearly understood [along with] the biomechanics of the sex act, particularly in heterosexual 'missionary' position, one can easily see how a lack of appropriate stimulation of the clitoris will result in difficulty in obtaining orgasm."
Nonetheless the quest to climax during sexual intercourse remains.
"Women come to me and say they can't orgasm," says Cass. "But then I find out they actually can very easily have an orgasm, they just aren't having one during intercourse. That pressure is there."
"Some people are fixated on this: 'My partner has to have an orgasm through intercourse'," Redelman says. "But of course that kind of pressure actually almost guarantees that she's not going to do it."
Both she and Cass believe couples can be taught ways to provide extra stimulation during intercourse. But focusing too much on this can be harmful.
"The primary thing is to enjoy lovemaking," Redelman says. "The brain is the biggest sex organ. If you're doing things together that give you sexual arousal... to me that's perfect lovemaking.
"I think we should just let women be different, be individuals. However they arrive at orgasm, that's the right way to do it for them."